Many of you may not know the true history of Boxing Day. In ancient times, on the day after Christmas, people would gather around the town square and air their grievances over the presents they received the day before. If someone received a bad gift, let’s say they wanted a pink Porsche and they got a metallic grey Porsche - they had those in ancient times too, little known fact - they would raise their fists and duke it out. That’s why they call it Boxing Day.
Basically, history was just constant reruns of that MTV show My Sweet Sixteen, but with a degree of violence that only the ancient world could tolerate. You may not have known we were history experts here at Windscribe, but we all have PhDs from the prestigious Lindsay Lohan Institute of Educational Excellence (LLIEE). It is the heart of no-ledge in North America, which when pronounced in conversation sounds like 'knowledge’. There are also no physical ledges anywhere on the actual college building, which helps avoid false-claim lawsuits and self-harm. Excelsior!
In modern times, we celebrate Boxing Day by violently beating the shit out of our own wallets and buying all the leftover store inventory that couldn’t be sold during Christmas. Items like the Penasonic MicrobideTV; an ingenious combination of a microwave, a TV, and a bidet. It’s a triple-combo product that you won’t know you wanted until you experience the convenience it provides. And at only $199.99, it basically sells itself.
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, there is a much easier-to-install and collectively more useful product you can get called Windscribe Pro. On sale now for only $39 a year, Windscribe promises a triple-combo of keeping you and your devices safe, private, and ad-free when you are online. It usually costs $69, which is a number 30 dollars bigger than the sale price. It also takes up zero physical space in your home, so your other devices have plenty of space for activities.
This Boxing Week, you can give the gift of Windscribe to all of those people you gave substandard Christmas presents to, to make up for your carelessness. Your brother-in-law actually wanted the MacBook M2.3 SuperMax Pro Air, not the M3.2 MaxSuperAir Pro Max, you idiot. Now you can fill the void in his heart with unlimited bandwidth and access to servers around the world. It just makes good business sense, which is what life is all about.
We hope you all enjoy the rest of your time off during the holiday season and look forward to having you read our insane emails in the new year!