Want to skip the reading because it hurts your eyeballs? Skip the Valentine's foreplay and get Windscribe Pro for $39 a year! For the rest of you that want to learn how to love again, keep reading.
Ah, love; the black tar heroin of emotions. Like heroin, love can be hard to find until you know what you are looking for, people go to war over it, and too much of it can kill you. The main difference between heroin and love is that no one has a holiday that celebrates heroin...unless you are addicted to heroin and just got some, then, uhh, happy heroin day to you, I guess.
For the rest of us, we have Valentine's Day - a day where we celebrate love by spoiling someone with gifts, candy, and wines with names like Chablis and Merlot, which you pronounce with a fake French accent to make it more romantique.
But those types of presents are too predictable; you've gotta be spontaneous, baby! That's where we come in. Windscribe Pro makes for a great additional "stocking stuffer" Valentine's day present for your lover.
If it is the only thing you get your significant other, you are insane and they will probably leave you; but if you add it to some lovely flowers, chocolate, or a fat steak, your lover will look deep into your eyes and sensuously whisper, "thank you for protecting my online identity." That's Amore, right there — pure, uncut love.
For those of you who don't have love in your life yet, you could always do a voodoo ritual to ensure you find The One. Here's how: 1) Take a shower, so you smell nice. 2) Buy Windscribe Pro. 3) Get a dog. We can hear your brain trying to figure out if this will work - we assure you it most definitely will. Your love of online privacy may land you a fine lookin' network administrator, and for everyone else, the classic shower+dog combo shows you are clean and responsible, thus increasing your chances of finding True Love.
Since we know most of you will already be spending a lot of money on chardonnay and candles, we couldn't, in good conscience, charge you full price for the ultimate Valentine's gift add-on. It would be uncivilized!
So prepare yourself for a sick deal: Just $39 smackeroos per year of Windscribe goodness. It's a deal so good it'll make you pop faster than a Chinese spy balloon - except the whole world won't be watching you on TV while you do...we hope?
Happy Valentines Day, you beauties!
Lots of love and smooches,