Windscribe's 7th Birthday Email
Windscribe just turned 7! Now we can legally work in Alabama! 🤦🏻‍♂️
Lighthearted Emails

Windscribe's 7th Birthday Email

Simon Phoenix
Simon Phoenix

 There are many reasons to celebrate 4/20. For thousands millions of people, it's an opportunity to talk incessantly about how strong their weed is and how communism "actually works on paper." We don’t particularly care as long as it stays on paper. None of us at Windscribe are built to till fields; our hands are much too moisturized for such things.

... and wetness short circuits servers. That's why we always wear white gloves. Classy.

 Others celebrate more important anniversaries, like the founding of a VPN company. That's right, you beautiful babies, it's Windscribe's 7th birthday today! On this very day, seven years ago, brilliant minds came together with a single mission: Keep Mark Zuckerberg from finding out the size of our private parts when browsing the internet. An idea was born, and it just so happened that the person who was writing down the details broke wind, and so Windscribe was born. Turns out life really does imitate art.

Honey, why does that manatee have a magnum of champagne?

 For seven years, we have worked our buttflaps off to create software to keep your personal information safe online. Seven beautiful, Red-Bull-filled years. A lot has changed since Windscribe's humble beginnings… we’ve grown from a team of 3 to almost 50 employees! We've gone from 0 users to over 50 million! We no longer drink cheap coffee brewed from parking lot gravel and sewer water; we’ve graduated to using filtered water. We no longer subsist on a diet of government cheese and pushups; now we eat 7-11 sandwiches with the crusts cut off and our pinkies up. Most importantly, our employees are no longer paid in bags of Cheerios, like infants, but with bags of premium protein powder and chewable multivitamins, like adults. And cash, also.

Our staff after years of getting paid with squirrel pelts and pieces of rainbow 🙃

 Ahh, the good life. And it is all thanks to you, our users. As much as this is an anniversary celebration for us, in truth, we are really celebrating you. We all know celebrations include gifts, so we want to offer you the best deal of the year: Pay $29 for 1 month of Windscribe and get 11 months FREE! A whole year of Windscribe for less than $30 bucks. And if you renew your Pro account next year, you continue paying that same price! Forever! We could be losing money on this, but we aren't good enough at business to know for sure... we're only 7 years old.

 That’s only $2.417 dollars per month to protect you and your family while you browse, download, or watch online content! Is this the greatest deal in the history of deals? No diggity, no doubt! So go ahead, spoil yourself. Spoil your friends. Spoil your grandma. Or maybe you are a masochist and don’t deserve to spoil yourself… then you can get someone else to buy it, and you will get Windscribe Pro for free! If you already have an account you can find a referral link at the bottom of the "Account Overview" page.

Rest in Peace, King 

Work at Windscribe - Want to join our team of super geniuses (genii?) to build software that f&*%s with dictators around the world and helps people communicate without fear? Guess what, we want talented people more than Uncle Sam wants to lower inflation.

Check out Control D - We’ve been working on a lot more than VPNs… we have also created the greatest and easiest to use network management software so you can make sure your kids don’t play too much Roblox, or worse, start a Twitter war with ol’ Muskybutt. Go ahead, give it a try. We double dog dare you! If you like it you can save 50% by entering your Windscribe Pro username in the "promo code" section of the sign up page!

Refer Us to Your Friends - Remember when we mentioned you can get Windscribe Pro for free if you recommend your friends? You should, it was a paragraph ago. Help us reach 50 trillion users! Okay, 100 million users. Honestly, 69 million would be amazing.

 In closing, we wanted to thank all of you for using Windscribe. We know there are a lot of choices out there, and we deeply appreciate you picking us to keep you safe online. We are clearly the best-est, securest, funniest and modest-est VPN company out there. After all, you can't spell Windscribe without "win".

With eternal thanks, and a generous sprinkle of love,

Team Windscribe

P.S. If you received two emails regarding this sale, it's because you are special enough to send two emails to.

Simon Phoenix
Simon Phoenix