Support Tickets That Made Us Lol

Support Tickets That Made Us Lol

Rebecca Rosenberg
Curtis Chanders
Rebecca Rosenberg, Curtis Chanders

Over on the frontlines of Windscribe Support, we take our jobs seriously.  You can’t connect? Let’s sort it out. Your account didn’t upgrade properly? We’re on it. Streaming issues? We've got you covered.

But as we make our way through the roughly 300-400 daily tickets, we occasionally come across something that brings a smile to our faces - whether it’s Google Translate running amok, a creative take on the name “Windscribe,” or a deep philosophical question we had never considered. We promise we are NEVER laughing at your problems, but we do get a chuckle from a ticket here and there.

Without compromising anyone’s privacy or making fun of our dear users, allow me to share with you some of the tickets that brought us LOLz.

What’s In a Name?

How could you forget a name like Windscribe? To kick off this list, let's take a look at some of our favourite variations - including the secret origins of the name of the blog!


Okay, this sounds like an awesome name for a super-extreme sunscreen that can handle the toughest weather out there.


Do you prefer the drumstick or the flat? This user must have been super hungry.

Windscribe with accents on N, C and E

We love this - it gives us more of an international vibe. We're always thrilled to know people from all around the world enjoy our service!


Ok, this one kind of sounds like an STD, if we're honest.


Wandscribe - a magical place indeed!


A quick search through our tickets reveals that this variation showed up over 60 times. In fact, we loved Windscribble so much that it became the official name of our blog!

Funny Fonts and Formatting

Some people make the most out of email text formatting and use it to yell at us for one reason or another.

Ticket says all is well in a very large font
Ticket says thanks, account working. Working is in a very large font.
Ticket says you can look at the software screenshot. Software screenshot text is very large and highlighted in blue

This next guy was always welcome in our tickets as he had the most creative use of brackets and ALL CAPS we've ever seen!

Ticket from user is in all caps and includes brackets in very odd places
Ticket from same user as above is a mix of regular text and all caps and includes brackets in very odd places

Make sure you download your GIGA (5) EXTENSIONS!

Oh, You’re Big Mad

It is inevitable that out of tens of thousands of people submitting tickets, not everyone will be happy. Some of those people express their contempt in ways that we like to describe as poetic.

Ticket says I want nothing to do with this fucked up shit show in all caps

Fucked up shit-show? Sign me up!

Ticket says Return my money paid. Liars, naught, scammers. Dedicate to sell hamburgers. I do not want to know more nothing with you… Warfare

That’s right, Windscribe is pivoting to the food industry. We will fully dedicate ourselves to selling hamburgers...but probably without the warfare.

Ticket says That is incredibly tasteless. For fucking shame.

This one was in response to a marketing email where we mentioned an “alien cross-dressing Hitler.” Too soon?

Speaking of Hitler, this next one was in response to one of our 420 emails:

Ticket says its also Hitler’s birthday. Coincidence? I think not. Hashtag Windscribe is Illuminate

Are we the Illuminati? That’s a genuine question because if we are, I want to know where my perks are.

Google Translate? More like Google LOLZate.

Honestly, Google Translate is clutch! It helps us communicate with our users all over the world. We would be NOTHING without Google translate. But sometimes, the translations are a little rough…

Ticket says I didn’t get 10 jacks

This one was pretty easy to decipher. Jacks, gigs, you get it.

Ticket says Why do you need me to twist the eggs, I didn’t set up automatic payment

We promise no egg-twisting has occurred at Windscribe since late 2016, far before this ticket was submitted.

Ticket says I verified my email. But zero bandwiches I have.

Yes, we have no bandwiches. We have no bandwiches today. (Sung to the tune of  No Bananas).

Things That Make You Go Hmmm?

These tickets are ones that gave us pause because we had NO clue what was going on. Then we laughed because, really, what else could we do?

Ticket says Microsoft has banned all my outlook on November 10,2017. Microsoft has told me that Microsoft has banned all my outlook forever. If I marry the daughter of Pony ,I hope that other people can help the daughter of Pony and me.

This one begs so many did they get banned from Microsoft, who is Pony, how would marrying their daughter get other people to help them, and what does any of that have to do with Windscribe?

Ticket says The legendary dragon eats the magic beans

Our scientists have tried to decipher this one for years but still haven’t cracked the code. We do appreciate the wisdom, though.

While we pride ourselves on our ability to offer support to everyone, some requests are simply too much for us to handle.

Ticket says In the bottle

What does it mean? How did the phone get in the bottle? Did Windscribe do this? Were they able to get the phone out of the bottle?? We, unfortunately, never got a reply.

Ticket says What type of species is Garry

Garry is the support chatbot on our website. He is part of the Supportium Roboticus species.

Ticket says what is the use of the ticket

What is the use, indeed? What is the point of anything? Why are we here? This ticket asks the big questions.

Body Parts

The fascination with the human body is endless, though we have noticed a particular obsession with a few key body parts… Any guesses which ones?

Ticket says say penis lol
Ticket says can u show me your dick
Ticket says Hallo! There’s no sun shine coming through her ass, if you are sure about your penis
Ticket says i pee out of my butt
Ticket is a conversation between user and Garry, our chat bot User: I like boobies. Show me images of boobies Garry: Can you rephrase that for me? User: boobs
Ticket is a conversation between user and Garry, our chat bot Garry: I’m here to help! Can you please explain the issue you are having in more detail? User: you like dick or vagina?

Poor Garry. He puts up with a lot.

You’re Not The Founder

This one gave me a lol, especially our final reply. This unhappy user was savagely critiquing the exact placement of sunglasses on a Doge meme featured in a marketing email. Yegor, our fearless leader, stepped in, but this user wasn't buying it.

Image of email exchange between user and Yegor Sak, founder of Windscribe: Yegor: Thanks for the feedback User: lol you’re not the founder. The founder wouldn’t be in charge of responding to emails for such a big company. Yegor: Sometimes one has to wear many hats to make sure everything is done proeprly.  Note: Properly is spelled incorrectly on purpose

Mic. Dropped.

Can a Cat…?

No matter what the question, Windscribe is here for you. Even if Garry can’t quite figure out what is going on…

Ticket is a conversation between user and Garry, our chat bot User: Hello. I have an important question for you, Garry. Can cats have a little salami? Garry: I'm here to help! Can you please explain the issue you are having in more detail? User: Well, i don’t know, can cats have a little salami or not. Can you help? Garry: Can you describe your issue with more detail? I'm all about those juicy details! User:  I WANT TO FEED MY CAT WITH SALAMI, BUT I DON'T KNOW CAN I DO THAT OR NOT

This ticket came to us, and of course, dear readers, we assured the user:

Graphic showing an illustration of a cat with a slice of salami in the background. Text reads: Hello. I have an important question for you, Garry. Can cats have a little salami? Thank you for contacting Windscribe Support. Cats can have little a salami, for a treat.

Thanks for coming on this little journey with me and I hope you had a chuckle or two. And remember, please feel free to reach out to Support at any time. Especially if it’s about your cat and whether or not they can have little a salami.

Rebecca Rosenberg
Curtis Chanders
Rebecca Rosenberg, Curtis Chanders